i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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