Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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