i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
