It's just like the Real World with babies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
