so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
