Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
