could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
