his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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