lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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