he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat