I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
