Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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