drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
