Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (582) Bad night (1542)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am spending my child support on dildos

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  (405): I am spending my child support on dildos http://tfl.nu/j7aa
  Replies (78) Good night (1244) Bad night (3996)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
  Replies (32) Good night (12746) Bad night (855)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out

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  (440): planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out http://tfl.nu/zgao
  Replies (22) Good night (1639) Bad night (3520)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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  (917): She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat. http://tfl.nu/3q22
  Replies (19) Good night (745) Bad night (4272)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4237) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

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  (703): relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/2hg2
  Replies (3) Good night (3970) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

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  (801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3
  Replies (38) Good night (1069) Bad night (4628)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.

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  (412): I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go. http://tfl.nu/523r
  Replies (12) Good night (4162) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  this is not real life

  (1-267): View more from Pennsylvania

  it never is. after midnight never counts.

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  (267): this is not real life (1-267): it never is. after midnight never counts. http://tfl.nu/o5xm
  Replies (5) Good night (1926) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.

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  (770): I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening. http://tfl.nu/87ko
  Replies (5) Good night (1056) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.

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  (910): He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening. http://tfl.nu/sddk
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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  (908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.

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  (970): I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more. http://tfl.nu/g8n9
  Replies (1) Good night (1037) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  At what part of the night did you guys leave?

  (406): View more from Montana

  After my hot tub cannonball.

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  (307): At what part of the night did you guys leave? (406): After my hot tub cannonball. http://tfl.nu/bc0m
  Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (257)

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