don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
