Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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