What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
