Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
