he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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