I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
