There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she told me i tasted like america
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
