the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
