she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
