How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
