i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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