I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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