he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.