I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad