omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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