I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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