I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
