my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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