so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had sex on a roof
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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