so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
