Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
