my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize