when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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