I hate all girls vehemently.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
