She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
