YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
50% drunk capacity currently
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
