i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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