I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
