I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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