Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
