I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
