I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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