Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
