just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im part way to drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
