you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
