highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize