I wish I could teleport
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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