Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
