I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
