How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
