How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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