u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
