Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
