Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize