ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
