I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will be naked everywhere
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
