I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
