how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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