I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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