apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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