he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
