I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
