it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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