Who wears a wallet chain?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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