so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
