He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drake has all the answers
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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