If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
