just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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