I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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