I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
