My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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