I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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