update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
