Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
