everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A bitchslap is in order.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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