I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
